Family Circumstances

In class we have looked at a few case studies to give us the opportunity to apply our knowledge of the different principles that we have learned in our class. It has been intriguing to look at other families and how they might deal with the crisis in their life. Some of the families we have examined have had things happen to their personal possessions, such as a house fire, whereas others have lost a child or other loved one in the family. All in all, most of the same principles apply to all the scenarios. This got me thinking that why should we only apply these things when we are going through a crisis? Shouldn't we apply them in our lives now so that we can maybe make these inevitable crises maybe a little less harsh? What if we were mindful in our everyday lives- we would see more of the real world, meaning we would not pass judgment because our judgment really doesn't matter in most cases. Mindfulness includes not judging situations, nor labeling them good or bad. It includes noticing things around us that might have gone unnoticed if we had been more self-absorbed, and less mindful. It includes listening and studying things out. What if we did this as we studied spiritual topics? Wouldn't the spirit be better able to be with us if we spent far less time judging everything?
I know that this helps in my own marriage as I get to take a step back and use a little less of my emotional mind, use a little more of my rational mind and combine them to use my "wise mind". This lets me let go of unnecessary frustrations, and see that sometimes things just happen. I really have enjoyed seeing that all families go through stresses and frustrations, but if given the right tools they can make it through the hardest of times with a little help from the tools that they have learned to use so they can function as a family. As it is Christmas time I think that family is the most important. Maybe we all could use the extra benefit of being more mindful, and less selfish, and let it carry on throughout the year! Christmas is a time to celebrate Christ, and I love that the whole world can celebrate it!

Stability and Flexibility

What makes our lives stable or flexible? What makes the difference? Why is it that stability to one person is chaos to another? And when people think that their life is very stable and settled, another might think it is too rigid. How do find the happy medium for ourselves?
We can find the right mix of:
- flexibility and change
- individuality and connectedness
- autonomy and predictability
Without flexibility everything becomes a crisis. But with too much flexibility nothing becomes a crisis, which is also a problem I think. Children enjoy having stability, as a matter of fact- they seem to thrive on it. We also need to give children a chance to self-regulate. If they are over-regulated, when given the chance, the child will swing to the other end of the spectrum. Sometimes we let the things that we don't like become the forbidden fruit, which makes it all the more wanted by the child.
Children with autism, and some other disabilities, thrive on structured days. They are at the far extreme. They need the rigid schedule to function. We all need some sense of rigidity, but also letting ourselves be flexible when the time comes that we need to change.

Resiliency and Risks

One of the main things that we correlate with Risk is poverty. We can see a lot of things that seem to cause the major risks associated with it.
Some are:
- malnutrition
- gang violence
- lower education
- drop out of school
- substance abuse
- single parent families
- poor schools
- domestic abuse
- low birth weight

We can see that the places that we feel are full of poverty are sometimes associated these characteristics. Why? Why are they at such a higher risk? What puts them there? We could say money, or we could say it is all circumstantial. I feel that there is a tradition that happens in families that they don't even realize that they practice. I have learned in past classes that it typically takes 3 generations for a family to leave poverty. I think that we don't realize how much influence our parents and grandparents have on our future.

So what makes us Resilient? I got talking with my husband about how we can make our children be more resilient, and we decided that we wanted our children to be optimistic, have good work ethic, and understand their emotions. These are how we want our children to learn resiliency. I can see that for me, becoming resilient was part of being the 5th child of 11. I didn't have a lot one on one time with my parents, so I had to deal with a lot of things on my own. I was still very supported, but I still learned a lot about taking care of things by myself. I think that if we let our children have the chance to do some things on their own then they have more experience under their belt.

How to recover from the death of a loved one

There are many ways that a family can feel stress. We talked about losing a loved one in class. This can be one of the hardest things to go through and there is no one way that we can all deal with it. We spoke of a family that lost a 6 year old boy, he was also a twin. How could this bring the family together, or pull them apart? What makes the difference to whether the family bonds, or falls apart?

I think something that might pull a family apart if they grieve alone. I can see that if all of them decide to grieve in their own way then they will become more focused on themselves rather than on the family as a whole. Another that might pull them apart is the possibility of them blaming each other. This same family that we discussed in class had their son on life support, and they had to decide whether they should keep him on it, or give the machine to someone else that needed it as well. The family as a whole decided to take the brother off of the life support. I can see that if the decision was not made as an entire family that they had the possibility of falling apart and pulling away from each other.

I think that the main thing that this family did right was make the decisions together. This is what made them all bond. I know that they did this through the power of prayer. If they had not all been influenced by the spirit then the opportunity for them to help each other would have maybe been lost. There was the possibility of them blaming each other and running apart, but they did not, they made the decision together.

I know that my own family has grown from this as well. I had written previously about my brother dying, but this has brought up the old feelings of gratitude and love that we all felt so close. I know that we get to choose our reactions to the huge stressors in our lives. We can either be devastated by them, or become empowered by them.

The Council Method

We talk about how organized the church is, but for some reason we don't keep our homes with the same organization and perspective as the Latter Day Saints Church does. But now we are presented with the Council method that the first presidency and the quorum of the twelve use in their meetings.
The Council Method starts with organization: those involved are informed about the meeting, and are given and itinerary for the meeting.
The first thing they do when they get to the meeting is show their appreciation for each other. How many groups of people do this to start meetings? I can't think of very many, and that they come out with the same resolve as the the quorum of the twelve and the first presidency do. I love this step and that they can grow so much more love for each other through this.
Next, they start with prayer. They invite the spirit to come and to help them make the correct decisions. If we are putting our hearts where they to be to make a proper and informed decision, then we are humbling ourselves to the point of making a consensus. Which is the next step.
Their decisions all need to line up so they form a consensus, not a compromise. They all need to agree or else they will not proceed with the decision. Imagine using this in our homes- what if we had everyone in on the decisions and made sure that they all felt good about it? I think that if this were implemented in the beginning of the family that this could work out and help everyone become closer.
After, they close again with a prayer. This helps them keep the spirit with them after the meeting.
Once the meeting is over, they have dessert with each other. Who can be mad when they are eating pie? I think that we become more open to others lives, and have the opportunity to build relationships with people that we might not otherwise. This brings all of the meeting together with a happy close.
I think that using the council method would bring families closer together and that this would bring more respect between family members that would probably not be there otherwise.

Emotional Distortions

When we get mad, angry, sad, disappointed, irritated, inferior, embarrassed, etc.- sometimes we skew our view of the world. What are we making ourselves believe when we are feeling these strong feelings? What are we taking away from ourselves when we can't get past the anger or disappointment? Now you are thinking: "That's just the way I am, I'll get over it!".....but let me tell you, there are typically residual feelings that are brought back up.
When I was in Jr. High (7th and 8th grade) I was in a good place in my life spiritually (odd, I know!). I had made a goal that if I thought anything bad about someone I would instantly think of something nice about them. I trained my brain to do this automatically, and it was great while it lasted! When I finally got to high school, things weren't as happy go lucky. But I bring this up because of the CBT process. I love that is helps us be honest with ourselves about what really happened.
It starts with writing out the situation that intensified your emotions (some of the emotions are listed in the beginning sentence). Then you go through the listed emotions and circle the ones that you felt in the situation. The next part is very important: you must write down your negative thoughts word for word so that you can be honest to yourself. Then you write how much you believed them in the moment (0-100%) and how much you believe it now in the same scale. Next you write the emotional distortions that your thoughts had- all or nothing, blame, labeling, mental filter, etc. And lastly you write down a more positive thought corresponding to a negative one that you believe 100%. This will help you gain a better understanding of your intellect and how you process thoughts.
This process has brought me to an odd understanding: my thought processes in difficult situations are very similar and I have the same distortions in different situations. There are some things that I can see might hurt my marriage eventually, and others that might hurt me if I dwell on them long enough. I want to be able to be how I was when I was in 7th grade: happy and kind inside and out. It will take a lot of work, but we can bring ourselves to a higher level of thinking and living if we can discount our negative thoughts and switch them out for more positive ones. We can change our outlook on a lot situations, and may be better able to raise a family as we are seeing the good rather than dwelling on the bad.

Stress and Coping

Now that a new semester has started, I am taking a "Stress and Coping" class. I wasn't sure how the teacher was going to fill the entire semester with stuff to talk about but as we've gotten going I am trying to figure out how we are going to cover all the info in the 14 week semester!

Thought this was funny, but please don't do this haha

Stress does not only mean to have something pulled tight or a pressure. Dictionary.com said: Importance attached to a thing, emphasis in melody, rhythm, etc.; beat. The physical pressure, pull, or other force exerted on one thing by another; strain. The main definition that stuck out to me was the emphasis in rhythm. What typically stresses us out is a decision that we have made. This affects us in many ways: as we regret the decision, as we try and work through the stress, and how we “cope” with it. In my opinion our daily rhythm sometimes is our own personal stressor and we need to focus more on a goal that we can achieve rather than if something will or won’t go as we had planned.

Synonyms for distress are: ache, affliction, anguish, anxiety, care, concern. The synonyms for stress are: accent, beat, force, import, importance, significance (Just another way to separate the words). Distress seems like it is unresolved stress that hasn’t been addressed.

As we talk about coping, it strikes me that the actual word “coping” is used in so many different circumstances and that we probably don’t really have a grasp on the word.  One of the definitions of the word was: “to join”(dictionary.com). Maybe that is what coping is about- coming together. Can we find the rhythm of our life, and those that are causing us the stress/are living in the stress with us, and join them into a melody? I think that as I have looked at the definitions of these words that their underlying meanings have come to light.

I am finding that there are many ways that families deal with their stress, and not all of them are good. When we are stressed we put ourselves in such a delicate balance of our wants and our needs and we get these more confused when we are stressed than at really any other time in our lives.

I have had a little bit more difficult time dealing with the stress in my life of going to school, working 2 jobs, and being married- it puts a stress on  every aspect of my life! I have learned in this first week of class that I need to find the root of my stress and deal with that first then I will be better able to keep my head on the level with all of the other things going on in my life. I need to take it one day at a time and make it through one semester at a time rather than trying to think 3 semesters ahead and how I might be able to handle that better.

Family, isn't it about time?

So the semester ends and that means so does this class...but lucky for me I am a Child Development Major and get to have family classes until I graduate! I will do my best to keep this updated! We were all disappointed to hear that our teacher wasn't teaching anymore after this year. I have never learned so much nor decided to take such a strong stance for families until I actually started to read into them and study them and hear other people's insights on them. Families are the central unit of society. Today I would like to talk about "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". My husband had to memorize it for his final so I have been thinking a lot on it. It may have been written by the first presidency and council of the 12 apostle of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but it can benefit families all around the world.
If you are confused on your roles as a father, mother, or child- read and study this!! It talks about the family being central to the plan of salvation- we can't do it with out a family. It explains that we are all made in the image of God and that God gave us gender as part of an eternal characteristic: women have characteristics, such as being the nurturer and caregiver, inborn in us; men have the need to provide preside and protect their families and loved ones. It talks about how we need a body in order to progress toward perfection. It talks about how husbands and wives need to multiply and replenish the earth, and that because our gender is eternal, we need to employ these powers of procreation only between a husband and wife. It tells us how sacred life is and the we need to respect it in everyone. It tells us that parents are responsible for the upbringing of their children- it is a sacred duty to teach their children in love and righteousness, and parents will be held accountable for the "discharge of these obligations." But my favorite line is: "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity." There's no getting around how specific that statement is. Further in that paragraph they state that the family needs to be established "on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." These are all basics to our lives, but think how much stronger each family would be if they had these as the basic principles in their families for their everyday lives. I says that mothers are primarily responsible to nurture their children, and fathers are to provide, preside and protect for the families. But through this, they are equal partners. We will all be held accountable before God for what we do with these responsibilities. This is written to "responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere." That leaves no one out.

This life is about family- isn't it about time?

Divorce- is it really worth it?

We talked a lot about many different things pertaining to divorce in class. One of the main things that we talked about was how it affected the children. The children are sometimes the ones that are hurt the worst as they are pitted against one parent or the other, they might have to decide which one they "love" more and choose to stay with, they might still have split up time, and further more- it wasn't even their fault, why are they the ones that are in the cross fire? It breaks my heart to see this, and yet divorce is all to prevalent in our society today.
Our book, "Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy" by Robert H. Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer (8th edition) states that there are 6 stations to divorce, they go as follows:

1- Emotional divorce: involves a loss of trust, respect, and affection for each other.
2- Legal divorce: when the court officially brings the marriage to an end.
3- Economic divorce: settlement of the property.
4- Co-parental divorce: occurs when the couple has children- decisions need to be made about custody, visitation rights, and continuing parental responsibilities.
5- Community divorce: the friends of the previous couple become "divorced" as well and are sometimes forced to choose sides.
6- Psychic divorce: the individual must accept the disruption of their relationship and regain a sense of being an individual rather than being in a marriage relationship.
*(All of these are directly from Lauer and Lauer's book "Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy")

The main ones talked about were co-parental divorce, and community divorce. The co-parental divorce is as I mentioned previous- the children get caught in the cross fire. There are a lot of decisions that need approval from both parents and it can be difficult when things are hostile between the divorced adults. The child sometimes loses a sense of belonging and sometimes feels resentment and/or guilt about the divorce and is not sure how to deal with it.
With community divorce, it can be difficult for just about anyone that has known the couple. If a friends stays friends with one spouse, the other one may feel rejected, and sometimes a new group of friends is needed to somewhat heal the issues from the "community divorce".

I have seen divorce tear families apart, but I also know that there are situations that it is not good for the well being of the family to stay married. I believe that if both spouses are selfless and serve each other and are constantly trying to help the other person that the marriage can and probably will work out. It takes an effort every day to keep things together, but I know from my parent's marriage of 30 years, and having had 11 children that it can all work out if you keep the right things in perspective.

Fathers- how important are they?

My mom and dad

We hear more and more about children that grow up in a house with just their mother. This is a growing trend that is hard for me to hear because I love the relationship that I have with my father! There have been rough times, but it has been an amazing road that we have been on to get to where we are now. I will call my dad to just talk, to figure something out on the car, to ask about a math problem, or just to say something silly. He is truly an amazing influence in my life and, I'm sure, in my siblings lives as well. We all have different relationships with him, but we all feel the same way- he is a friend when we need one, an understanding parent/guide when we are in need, and is a fantastic planner when it comes to camping or family get-togethers.
So if you can't tell, I find fathers VERY important. There are studies that show that girls are less promiscuous and typically do better academically if they have a good relationship with their father. Boys are better at rough and tumble play (no brainer, right?) but through this, they are able to read others emotions better because they have learned when people are too riled up when playing, by playing with their father.

Here are the main five points that I have found through my research that I think are most important and that fathers should be aware of :

 Five Important Points in Fatherhood

My dad being silly

My dad being even more silly :)

1- Fathers influence their children primarily through play. As they grow they get more involved in rough and tumble play. As children rough house with their dad they learn how to read others emotions when they run high—this is the link between fathers physical play and how children get along with peers. Children need that balanced play from their fathers to teach them how to regulate themselves emotionally and physically.

2-  Fathers need to get involved in their child’s care from pregnancy on. The habits a father forms during his child’s infancy often stick- if dad is involved in caring for the baby at an early age, he’s more likely to continue his involvement into middle childhood and adolescence. This helps the not only the father-child relationship, but also reinforces the mother-father relationship, which is a base to their parenting.

3-  Stay tuned into your child’s everyday needs as he or she grows. Although it’s hard to say how much involvement children need from their fathers, it takes more than the occasional outings to the baseball game, the amusement park, and the zoo to make a real difference to kids. It takes the day to day activities that help the father be involved. This helps them connect in the everyday stuff, which is the most important to the child.

4- Strike a balance between work life and home life. Making a career change, or at least finding ways to make your current job less stressful, can be a significant move. Children understand that their father needs to work, but they don’t know why he can’t spend time with them when he is supposed to be home. Children need more attention and time, not money, to grow a relationship with their fathers.

5- Fathers need to find a balance between caregiving and sensitivity throughout their child’s life. Although caregiving and sensitivity are both wonderful characteristics, they usually come at different ages for the fathers. If fathers can have both characteristics throughout parenthood, I believe that the children would be more balanced and close to their fathers. These tables show how and when a fathers involvement typically occurs, according to The American Psychological Association.

Characteristics	Caregiving
Child	Sons and older children
Fathers	Younger, worked less, smaller incomes, positive personality traits
Mothers	Work more, younger mothers

Characteristics	Sensitivity
Child	1st child
Fathers	Older, less traditional child rearing beliefs (equalitarian)
Mothers	Less maternal, career oriented

My dad is the best driver!

I would just like to end with a little memory of my father. My dad loves to play games, so one night he tells us we are going to play a new game called "Blind-fold Karaoke" where someone is blindfolded and has in headphones so that they can't hear anything but the music which is turned up very loud. The point of this is to see how on tune people actually think they are singing when in all reality they are very very off tune- and enjoyment for everyone watching. My 17 year old brother gets up and sings one of his his favorite songs, and its a high one. We all get laughing pretty hard, but when I looked over, I see my dad trying his best to record Jason's efforts to sing, as my dad is bent over crying because he is laughing so hard. When my dad cries because he is laughing so hard, you know its way funny! These are some of my favorite memories and I wouldn't trade them for anything!!

Cherish your fathers, let them know how much they mean to you no matter your current relationship. You won't regret it.

Communication....what does it really mean?

So we all talk about communication and how it is the most important thing that we can do in any relationship, but what does it really mean? Is it just talking and making ourselves heard, or is it deeper? Have you ever said to yourself, "Everything would have gone better had we just communicated better!" Yeah, I think we all have thought that. It then turns our thoughts to the question, what is communication really? On average, we communicate 14% with words, 35% with the tone we say the words, and 51% is non verbal....if that doesn't change your idea of communication, I'm not sure what will! We communicate so much that we might not even intend to send across the many lines of communication.

As a society we use sarcasm as if it were a religion. We can't/won't let go of it and it sometimes turns us into unintentionally rude people. Mis-communication, or misunderstood? This is the tricky part of it all. Is it the sender/speaker who sends the wrong message, or is ti the receiver/listener that is getting the message wrong? When trying to "communicate we go through certain channels that are most comfortable for us, and we wait for the person we are talking to, to tune into our same station so they can get what we are sending out. It's kind of our own personal code, and we are waiting for the other person to decode the message then send one of their own. Then we get to decode their personal code, and so on and so forth. It sounds like it can get a little messy sometimes, right? This is where I would love to bring in the scriptures. I spoke of sarcasm earlier, and brought in all communication, which comes down to how we control what we say.


In Ephesians 4:26-32, it talks about how to communicate. In 4:26 the JST says: can ye be angry and not sin? When we become angry we have already lost some part of our self-control. In 4:29 it says, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." Communications footnote talks about gossiping or profanity. We also talk about edifying. What is edifying? It basically tells us to only let edifying things come out of our mouths. Edify in the Merriam-Webster dictionary says, "To instruct and improve especially in moral and religious knowledge." We need to help people improve in their moral knowledge by them hearing what we say. Are we saying things that are uplifting, or are we always putting people down? To edify is to build upward, to lift. How are we helping people with this in the long run?


I know that if we are able to communicate clearly and be transparent and help uplift people we will see a definite difference. People will want to talk with us more and ask for our advice because they know that we will be kind to them. This is the ultimate goal, right? To let everyone like and trust us because of how we have always treated them.

Family Crisis

My family cutting down our Christmas tree (2013) and trying to decide how to get it on the car

        This week we learned about what happens when a family has a Crisis. This was a very interesting and thought provoking lesson. My teacher talked about how stress actually strengthens us. Take our bones for example: if we do not put any pressure or stress on them, then they become fragile and weak. This is what happens to us if we are not put under stress, personally and as a family as well. We need these stressors in our lives to make us grow together more and handle things in a more appropriate way. A stress that was brought up was losing a family member. My teacher talked a lot about how he lost two brothers in his family. I had a similar experience.

        In June of 2000 my brother Benjamin was born. We were told that he would live for maybe 5 minutes because of a heart condition, so we were right outside waiting after my mom had him. He had the most hair any of us had seen on a baby that was born 3 weeks premature. It was golden and curly. We knew that God had sent him to our family for a reason, but we just didn’t know quite yet. I was 9 years old at the time. We all got to hold him pretty quickly right off the bat just so we could all have time to hold him, but then a miracle happened: he didn’t die. We all held him and loved him and cried when he was close to us. We got to take him home, which was the biggest blessing we ever could have asked for. He lived for a total of 5 days, which were absolutely wonderful. He truly was an angel.

Same day, with my mom and Erin

        I know that because of this experience my family has become closer than we ever would have been before. We learned to help each other when our mother was so grief stricken that she couldn't be there 100%, but did an amazing job considering the circumstances. We all banded together to help finish building the house that was almost finished. On Benjamin’s birthdays we would go to his grave, with a balloon for each of us, and write a note to him on our balloon and let it go.

        I know that through the stress of losing a brother, I became closer to my family—as if we were bonded through this experience. We still feel his spirit comforting us when we are having a hard time, or are away from family. This is the biggest blessing of all, knowing that he is always there watching over us.

Preventing Affairs

Last week we talked about sexuality. It was almost awkward at times because of how our religion seems to view sexual intimacy in general. Some of the class grew up in Idaho, like me, or in Utah. This is where the members of the LDS church seem to populate every valley that the Rocky Mountains have to offer. We remember having the feelings that our bodies were gross in a way or unacceptable. We believe that we should be sexually inactive until we are married. Going from our sexuality being totally unacceptable to it being expected is a hard transition. How do we teach our children to keep their bodies sacred, but also have them ready for marriage? We decided that teaching children that their bodies aren't gross, but that they need to be kept personal and sacred that this might be a better way to teach them about things that are inevitable.

Another major part of our class discussion was preventing affairs, or maybe better said as how to keep the bond with your spouse strong. I never thought that talking with a co-worker of the opposite gender could contribute to being unfaithful. But then I realized that I could be sharing emotions, feelings, or thoughts with them that should be saved solely for my husband. Another thing that has taken me off guard that makes complete sense is making sure to only use your charm on your spouse. I never really thought about that being a bad thing, but then I realized: I won him over with my charm, why would I want to use that same charm on someone else that I don’t care near as much for? Make sure that there isn't “my friends” and “his/her friends” labeled, make sure it’s labeled “our friends”. Make sure it is a group gathering. This encourages unity in your gatherings, and that there aren't any secrets between you and your spouse. Share passwords so that you can have the possibility of checking in on each other’s stuff. You don’t need to be nosey, just aware. There are things like these that we need to be far more conscious about in order to keep your marriage safe and strong. I know that if we do this, we will find that our marriage is far happier and less stressful.

Newly Weds :)

This week was about newly weds, which I am an expert in because I've been married for almost 5 months. It has been quite the experience as we have lived in now 3 apartments. In our last apartment, we didn't have a kitchen, only a toaster oven, microwave, fridge, crockpot, and electric frying pan. No kitchen except for the appliances that we had. We didn't have a table to eat on so we got folding chairs and ate on our ironing board. We have been out of food many a time and had to eat Ramen Noodles for dinner or breakfast, or both...we slept  on 2 twin size beds side by side for our first few nights in our first apartment, its been quite the experience trying to get things in order where we haven't had very much money.

We have been so happy trying to keep things going and being optimistic about our future. We have loved every single bit of it. We finally have a kitchen and more space to live, but we are still just as happy! We have had to deal with the distribution of responsibilities, changed our lifestyles somewhat, we made a budget, made decisions together, combined our social circles, established our family boundaries, accommodated each others schedules, and discussed our family planning. We know that all these things are imperative to us making a happy and eternal marriage for us and our family to come. We talked in class about how couples headed for divorce typically have 10 areas of significant incompatibility....the same amount as happily married couples. This goes to show that its what you make of your life together, whether you want to be happy and overlook a lot of the faults of your spouse, or stare the faults straight in the face and be miserable the rest of your life. Make the choice to be happy and enjoy the choice you make for who you marry.

Marriage...sooner rather than later?

We talked about choosing our mate this week. I thought it was very interesting that Brother Williams brought up the idea that we don't really know someone until we have known them for 3 months. This was somewhat difficult for me to hear because 2 weeks after dating my husband (3 weeks after meeting) we talked about getting married, and a month and a half after meeting we were engaged....we are obviously the exception rather than the rule because it felt like we had known each other for forever at that point.



From the day that we went on our first date I knew that things were going to progress to and be the best thing for us if we could only just keep it together. This was possibly the most fortunate and wonderful day of my life. We made a connection that changed how the rest of our dating would continue. We made our hearts open to each other and to the spirit.






To the day that we were engaged and learned that sometimes things don't work out the way that we want, but all that we need is there with the person that we chose to spend every day for the rest of our lives together with.




Up to the day that we got married and learned how much we truly loved each other because we needed each other from that day on because of the covenants we made to each other in the temple. That is what makes the difference- the reverence we have for our marriage that is essential for our eternal salvation. This is what makes us so happy and so in love. God knew what I needed and helped me find the person who is better than me in so many ways that he lifts me...and somehow I do this in part for him, which is amazing to me! I know that our lives were brought together for a reason, so we could better each other every day.

Gender Roles in the Family

Gender roles make a huge difference in a relationship depending on who does what. If the man wants to stay home and take care of the kids, and the wife is fine with working, this makes for a very different type of role for each of them. We would say this is not typical for families. I think that gender roles are said in blanket statements- people want them to cover everything and everyone, whereas the reality is that there is no way to cover every situation with one statement and say it is true and right. I think that a lot of times we need to take a step back and realize that not everyone lives in a picturesque life and can have these roles in the home. The husband and wife need to pray about it and realize that sometimes things get a little switched up because of time available, energy available, and how their day happens to pan out.

This is my family camping in Yellowstone last year. It is very obvious to me who plays what role with just this picture. My dad is the adventurous one and wants to make sure the right pictures get taken so he always has the camera. My 2 younger brothers are there for throwing pine cones and small rocks at the rest of us because they love to have fun. My mom is in the middle trying to be involved with everyone, and wanting things to go right (shes a planner). My sister Jessica and her new husband Nate are still in their honeymoon phase so they are hard to place with roles. But the main one I see here is my oldest brother Brandon with the baby on his back. He was doing his best to be the silliest one and get the attention needed to fulfill his needs and wants from the family.

I think that even though we think that things should be a certain way, they don't always happen that way and we need to let people be themselves and fulfill the roles that they do best :)

Cultural Differences that affect Families

Last week was very interesting We learned a lot about how families from different cultures are stronger in some aspects and weaker in others. Our books compared everyone else to "white" families- it made me giggle. I know that trying to classify white people from all over the nation with different religious beliefs is very difficult because we all view families differently. As a mormon, I believe that families are central to our reason for being here on earth. Essentially, they are the meaning to life. We talked about other cultural differences like how Hispanics and African Americans are more family oriented and yet they have higher unwed birth rates than any other ethnicity. It really interests me to see what "family oriented" really means to people. Something that is very important and portrays our beliefs quite eloquently is "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". (http://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation)

We talked about social classes. In America, we all say that there aren't social classes. Yes, we aren't living in a caste system where we can't associate with people outside of our social class, but we definitely have social classes that define what are how we can do things. What this is typically defined by is our family income, and where we grew up. Isn't that annoying? As we grow up we are categorized by something that is outside of our control. I think that we are too judgmental of those around us when they aren't "up to par" for us. I think we need to let a lot more of the social pressures go and see people for who they are rather than what they were or weren't given.

I taught English in China last year for 5 months and it was one of the best experiences of my life. I adore the children there. They lived at a boarding school during the week and went home on the weekends. Some students were there on scholarship because of how well they tested. They thought of me as their mother. They would hug and kiss me and let me play with them as well. But even as children, they knew that some children were in the upper class, and some were in the lower class. They treated them differently. This broke my heart so  I did my best to make sure that they knew that I didn't care how much their parents made. This made teaching them all the better because they took to my learning better. This changed my view of social classes drastically.

Family Rules

This week in my Family Relations class we talked about our family rules. It made me giggle to hear how similar some families are to my own, and how absolutely different others are as well. I realized that my family has some rules that I hadn't ever thought of until others brought them up. Here is the list that I ended up coming to.
1: NEVER wake Dad unless he asks to be woken at a specific time.
2: Always take the chance to tease someone if they are sleeping in a public setting (like shoving marshmallows in their open mouth)
3: You play a sport from elementary through high school (everyone must play basketball), otherwise you just don't quite fit in.
4: We only really show affection if someone that has moved out is visiting, or to the youngest child (aka Ellisa)

16 years apart and still best friends :)

5: Sports activities take precedence over anything and everything else.
6: The oldest children always get first choice or I guess "higher ranking" at the dinner table or in the car.
7: Dinner time is the chance to tell jokes that you know only your dad and brothers will laugh at. This is what we call family bonding ;)

These are the ones that I thought were very applicable to our family in general. I love that we are all so silly and glad to be together, but also we like to all be in charge which sometimes makes the work go faster, but we also make the work slow down when there are so many chiefs and no Indians to order around haha. We have found a groove that lets us have fun and bond even though all 11 of us are so head strong. My mom's favorite thing to say to the in-laws is "I'm sorry you married into these genes as well..." when my dad turns around with carrots up his nose and asks if anyone smells carrots....we laugh and we cry together, that is what family is all about- right?

The Introduction

Well, if you're reading this you must have some interest in families or other insights I might have to offer. This Family Relations course is bound to open my eyes to many things that I haven't thought up as of yet. I am so excited to learn about it because I come from a large family and I know that family is extremely important to society and each of us as individuals. If we opened our eyes to some of the problems and issues we have around us and learn how to do and be better than them, then we have a chance at finding that sought after happiness we all want. What makes us happier than those we consider family? We need to hold them dear and learn how to make it the best situation possible!

This is my family on my wedding day. This is the relationship that we have developed with each other because of all of us wanting to continue living the gospel of Jesus Christ. We have become close and obviously even silly- it's what makes this family mine :)