Family Crisis

My family cutting down our Christmas tree (2013) and trying to decide how to get it on the car

        This week we learned about what happens when a family has a Crisis. This was a very interesting and thought provoking lesson. My teacher talked about how stress actually strengthens us. Take our bones for example: if we do not put any pressure or stress on them, then they become fragile and weak. This is what happens to us if we are not put under stress, personally and as a family as well. We need these stressors in our lives to make us grow together more and handle things in a more appropriate way. A stress that was brought up was losing a family member. My teacher talked a lot about how he lost two brothers in his family. I had a similar experience.

        In June of 2000 my brother Benjamin was born. We were told that he would live for maybe 5 minutes because of a heart condition, so we were right outside waiting after my mom had him. He had the most hair any of us had seen on a baby that was born 3 weeks premature. It was golden and curly. We knew that God had sent him to our family for a reason, but we just didn’t know quite yet. I was 9 years old at the time. We all got to hold him pretty quickly right off the bat just so we could all have time to hold him, but then a miracle happened: he didn’t die. We all held him and loved him and cried when he was close to us. We got to take him home, which was the biggest blessing we ever could have asked for. He lived for a total of 5 days, which were absolutely wonderful. He truly was an angel.

Same day, with my mom and Erin

        I know that because of this experience my family has become closer than we ever would have been before. We learned to help each other when our mother was so grief stricken that she couldn't be there 100%, but did an amazing job considering the circumstances. We all banded together to help finish building the house that was almost finished. On Benjamin’s birthdays we would go to his grave, with a balloon for each of us, and write a note to him on our balloon and let it go.

        I know that through the stress of losing a brother, I became closer to my family—as if we were bonded through this experience. We still feel his spirit comforting us when we are having a hard time, or are away from family. This is the biggest blessing of all, knowing that he is always there watching over us.

Preventing Affairs

Last week we talked about sexuality. It was almost awkward at times because of how our religion seems to view sexual intimacy in general. Some of the class grew up in Idaho, like me, or in Utah. This is where the members of the LDS church seem to populate every valley that the Rocky Mountains have to offer. We remember having the feelings that our bodies were gross in a way or unacceptable. We believe that we should be sexually inactive until we are married. Going from our sexuality being totally unacceptable to it being expected is a hard transition. How do we teach our children to keep their bodies sacred, but also have them ready for marriage? We decided that teaching children that their bodies aren't gross, but that they need to be kept personal and sacred that this might be a better way to teach them about things that are inevitable.

Another major part of our class discussion was preventing affairs, or maybe better said as how to keep the bond with your spouse strong. I never thought that talking with a co-worker of the opposite gender could contribute to being unfaithful. But then I realized that I could be sharing emotions, feelings, or thoughts with them that should be saved solely for my husband. Another thing that has taken me off guard that makes complete sense is making sure to only use your charm on your spouse. I never really thought about that being a bad thing, but then I realized: I won him over with my charm, why would I want to use that same charm on someone else that I don’t care near as much for? Make sure that there isn't “my friends” and “his/her friends” labeled, make sure it’s labeled “our friends”. Make sure it is a group gathering. This encourages unity in your gatherings, and that there aren't any secrets between you and your spouse. Share passwords so that you can have the possibility of checking in on each other’s stuff. You don’t need to be nosey, just aware. There are things like these that we need to be far more conscious about in order to keep your marriage safe and strong. I know that if we do this, we will find that our marriage is far happier and less stressful.

Newly Weds :)

This week was about newly weds, which I am an expert in because I've been married for almost 5 months. It has been quite the experience as we have lived in now 3 apartments. In our last apartment, we didn't have a kitchen, only a toaster oven, microwave, fridge, crockpot, and electric frying pan. No kitchen except for the appliances that we had. We didn't have a table to eat on so we got folding chairs and ate on our ironing board. We have been out of food many a time and had to eat Ramen Noodles for dinner or breakfast, or both...we slept  on 2 twin size beds side by side for our first few nights in our first apartment, its been quite the experience trying to get things in order where we haven't had very much money.

We have been so happy trying to keep things going and being optimistic about our future. We have loved every single bit of it. We finally have a kitchen and more space to live, but we are still just as happy! We have had to deal with the distribution of responsibilities, changed our lifestyles somewhat, we made a budget, made decisions together, combined our social circles, established our family boundaries, accommodated each others schedules, and discussed our family planning. We know that all these things are imperative to us making a happy and eternal marriage for us and our family to come. We talked in class about how couples headed for divorce typically have 10 areas of significant incompatibility....the same amount as happily married couples. This goes to show that its what you make of your life together, whether you want to be happy and overlook a lot of the faults of your spouse, or stare the faults straight in the face and be miserable the rest of your life. Make the choice to be happy and enjoy the choice you make for who you marry.