Family, isn't it about time?

So the semester ends and that means so does this class...but lucky for me I am a Child Development Major and get to have family classes until I graduate! I will do my best to keep this updated! We were all disappointed to hear that our teacher wasn't teaching anymore after this year. I have never learned so much nor decided to take such a strong stance for families until I actually started to read into them and study them and hear other people's insights on them. Families are the central unit of society. Today I would like to talk about "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". My husband had to memorize it for his final so I have been thinking a lot on it. It may have been written by the first presidency and council of the 12 apostle of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but it can benefit families all around the world.
If you are confused on your roles as a father, mother, or child- read and study this!! It talks about the family being central to the plan of salvation- we can't do it with out a family. It explains that we are all made in the image of God and that God gave us gender as part of an eternal characteristic: women have characteristics, such as being the nurturer and caregiver, inborn in us; men have the need to provide preside and protect their families and loved ones. It talks about how we need a body in order to progress toward perfection. It talks about how husbands and wives need to multiply and replenish the earth, and that because our gender is eternal, we need to employ these powers of procreation only between a husband and wife. It tells us how sacred life is and the we need to respect it in everyone. It tells us that parents are responsible for the upbringing of their children- it is a sacred duty to teach their children in love and righteousness, and parents will be held accountable for the "discharge of these obligations." But my favorite line is: "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity." There's no getting around how specific that statement is. Further in that paragraph they state that the family needs to be established "on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." These are all basics to our lives, but think how much stronger each family would be if they had these as the basic principles in their families for their everyday lives. I says that mothers are primarily responsible to nurture their children, and fathers are to provide, preside and protect for the families. But through this, they are equal partners. We will all be held accountable before God for what we do with these responsibilities. This is written to "responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere." That leaves no one out.

This life is about family- isn't it about time?

Divorce- is it really worth it?

We talked a lot about many different things pertaining to divorce in class. One of the main things that we talked about was how it affected the children. The children are sometimes the ones that are hurt the worst as they are pitted against one parent or the other, they might have to decide which one they "love" more and choose to stay with, they might still have split up time, and further more- it wasn't even their fault, why are they the ones that are in the cross fire? It breaks my heart to see this, and yet divorce is all to prevalent in our society today.
Our book, "Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy" by Robert H. Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer (8th edition) states that there are 6 stations to divorce, they go as follows:

1- Emotional divorce: involves a loss of trust, respect, and affection for each other.
2- Legal divorce: when the court officially brings the marriage to an end.
3- Economic divorce: settlement of the property.
4- Co-parental divorce: occurs when the couple has children- decisions need to be made about custody, visitation rights, and continuing parental responsibilities.
5- Community divorce: the friends of the previous couple become "divorced" as well and are sometimes forced to choose sides.
6- Psychic divorce: the individual must accept the disruption of their relationship and regain a sense of being an individual rather than being in a marriage relationship.
*(All of these are directly from Lauer and Lauer's book "Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy")

The main ones talked about were co-parental divorce, and community divorce. The co-parental divorce is as I mentioned previous- the children get caught in the cross fire. There are a lot of decisions that need approval from both parents and it can be difficult when things are hostile between the divorced adults. The child sometimes loses a sense of belonging and sometimes feels resentment and/or guilt about the divorce and is not sure how to deal with it.
With community divorce, it can be difficult for just about anyone that has known the couple. If a friends stays friends with one spouse, the other one may feel rejected, and sometimes a new group of friends is needed to somewhat heal the issues from the "community divorce".

I have seen divorce tear families apart, but I also know that there are situations that it is not good for the well being of the family to stay married. I believe that if both spouses are selfless and serve each other and are constantly trying to help the other person that the marriage can and probably will work out. It takes an effort every day to keep things together, but I know from my parent's marriage of 30 years, and having had 11 children that it can all work out if you keep the right things in perspective.

Fathers- how important are they?

My mom and dad

We hear more and more about children that grow up in a house with just their mother. This is a growing trend that is hard for me to hear because I love the relationship that I have with my father! There have been rough times, but it has been an amazing road that we have been on to get to where we are now. I will call my dad to just talk, to figure something out on the car, to ask about a math problem, or just to say something silly. He is truly an amazing influence in my life and, I'm sure, in my siblings lives as well. We all have different relationships with him, but we all feel the same way- he is a friend when we need one, an understanding parent/guide when we are in need, and is a fantastic planner when it comes to camping or family get-togethers.
So if you can't tell, I find fathers VERY important. There are studies that show that girls are less promiscuous and typically do better academically if they have a good relationship with their father. Boys are better at rough and tumble play (no brainer, right?) but through this, they are able to read others emotions better because they have learned when people are too riled up when playing, by playing with their father.

Here are the main five points that I have found through my research that I think are most important and that fathers should be aware of :

 Five Important Points in Fatherhood

My dad being silly

My dad being even more silly :)

1- Fathers influence their children primarily through play. As they grow they get more involved in rough and tumble play. As children rough house with their dad they learn how to read others emotions when they run high—this is the link between fathers physical play and how children get along with peers. Children need that balanced play from their fathers to teach them how to regulate themselves emotionally and physically.

2-  Fathers need to get involved in their child’s care from pregnancy on. The habits a father forms during his child’s infancy often stick- if dad is involved in caring for the baby at an early age, he’s more likely to continue his involvement into middle childhood and adolescence. This helps the not only the father-child relationship, but also reinforces the mother-father relationship, which is a base to their parenting.

3-  Stay tuned into your child’s everyday needs as he or she grows. Although it’s hard to say how much involvement children need from their fathers, it takes more than the occasional outings to the baseball game, the amusement park, and the zoo to make a real difference to kids. It takes the day to day activities that help the father be involved. This helps them connect in the everyday stuff, which is the most important to the child.

4- Strike a balance between work life and home life. Making a career change, or at least finding ways to make your current job less stressful, can be a significant move. Children understand that their father needs to work, but they don’t know why he can’t spend time with them when he is supposed to be home. Children need more attention and time, not money, to grow a relationship with their fathers.

5- Fathers need to find a balance between caregiving and sensitivity throughout their child’s life. Although caregiving and sensitivity are both wonderful characteristics, they usually come at different ages for the fathers. If fathers can have both characteristics throughout parenthood, I believe that the children would be more balanced and close to their fathers. These tables show how and when a fathers involvement typically occurs, according to The American Psychological Association.

Characteristics	Caregiving
Child	Sons and older children
Fathers	Younger, worked less, smaller incomes, positive personality traits
Mothers	Work more, younger mothers

Characteristics	Sensitivity
Child	1st child
Fathers	Older, less traditional child rearing beliefs (equalitarian)
Mothers	Less maternal, career oriented

My dad is the best driver!

I would just like to end with a little memory of my father. My dad loves to play games, so one night he tells us we are going to play a new game called "Blind-fold Karaoke" where someone is blindfolded and has in headphones so that they can't hear anything but the music which is turned up very loud. The point of this is to see how on tune people actually think they are singing when in all reality they are very very off tune- and enjoyment for everyone watching. My 17 year old brother gets up and sings one of his his favorite songs, and its a high one. We all get laughing pretty hard, but when I looked over, I see my dad trying his best to record Jason's efforts to sing, as my dad is bent over crying because he is laughing so hard. When my dad cries because he is laughing so hard, you know its way funny! These are some of my favorite memories and I wouldn't trade them for anything!!

Cherish your fathers, let them know how much they mean to you no matter your current relationship. You won't regret it.

Communication....what does it really mean?

So we all talk about communication and how it is the most important thing that we can do in any relationship, but what does it really mean? Is it just talking and making ourselves heard, or is it deeper? Have you ever said to yourself, "Everything would have gone better had we just communicated better!" Yeah, I think we all have thought that. It then turns our thoughts to the question, what is communication really? On average, we communicate 14% with words, 35% with the tone we say the words, and 51% is non verbal....if that doesn't change your idea of communication, I'm not sure what will! We communicate so much that we might not even intend to send across the many lines of communication.

As a society we use sarcasm as if it were a religion. We can't/won't let go of it and it sometimes turns us into unintentionally rude people. Mis-communication, or misunderstood? This is the tricky part of it all. Is it the sender/speaker who sends the wrong message, or is ti the receiver/listener that is getting the message wrong? When trying to "communicate we go through certain channels that are most comfortable for us, and we wait for the person we are talking to, to tune into our same station so they can get what we are sending out. It's kind of our own personal code, and we are waiting for the other person to decode the message then send one of their own. Then we get to decode their personal code, and so on and so forth. It sounds like it can get a little messy sometimes, right? This is where I would love to bring in the scriptures. I spoke of sarcasm earlier, and brought in all communication, which comes down to how we control what we say.


In Ephesians 4:26-32, it talks about how to communicate. In 4:26 the JST says: can ye be angry and not sin? When we become angry we have already lost some part of our self-control. In 4:29 it says, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." Communications footnote talks about gossiping or profanity. We also talk about edifying. What is edifying? It basically tells us to only let edifying things come out of our mouths. Edify in the Merriam-Webster dictionary says, "To instruct and improve especially in moral and religious knowledge." We need to help people improve in their moral knowledge by them hearing what we say. Are we saying things that are uplifting, or are we always putting people down? To edify is to build upward, to lift. How are we helping people with this in the long run?


I know that if we are able to communicate clearly and be transparent and help uplift people we will see a definite difference. People will want to talk with us more and ask for our advice because they know that we will be kind to them. This is the ultimate goal, right? To let everyone like and trust us because of how we have always treated them.